I Miss My Focus

Maybe it was the heat. It could have been my demanding schedule and some resistance to a big project, but I seem to have misplaced my focus.

Or have I? Maybe I am just pushing myself so hard to complete things by July 1, that I am causing myself this grief? I've just made a major purchase, so maybe that has me distracted? Naw, I wanted to do that and I am confident in my decision.

So what is it? I am not interested in completing a big deadline for someone else, I have 4 Life Preservers projects to complete and want to get draft 2 of my book done. Not to mention keep up with friends, the house and the daily details of life.

I just feel antsy and like I have lost my focus.

If you see any on sale at Target, call me.

Life is a Thriller

The whole world is reeling with news of the deaths of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon. It is too much loss for one week, one day. And so the planet comes together to mourn and, hopefully, get the message for real this time: life is short.

Whenever we experience the loss of a public figure we are marked by time. We remember the moment we heard the news, float back in time to the many memories that were created through experiencing the celebrity's popularity. Chances are you can remember who your friends were when Charlie's Angels premiered, the car you had when you first heard 'Thriller' and knew your mom would insist you head to bed when you heard "Heerrreee's Johnny!"

So we grieve for the loss of these so-very-public lives of people we never really knew, but we really mourn for the loss of the times, places and people who helped make us who we are today. That's natural and normal.

What matters now is how you use the experience as you move forward.

Shooting Two for Illinois

I have never met Jeff Jordan, but I'd like to. Any young man who has the courage to know clearly his life's desires, and act on them in the midst of a media glare, gets my attention.

You may know that Jeff, the son of basketball great, Michael Jordan, has decided to quit basketball and get a 'real life'. The world appears to be in an uproar over this decision: how could he do such a thing and let daddy down? Doesn't he realize there is a legacy at stake?

I bet Michael is pretty proud of his son about now. I mean, really, doesn't this just speak to his parenting skills? What better gift as a parent than to know you have raised an independent thinker who has talents that can be shared in several ways?

Of course, I don' t know the whole story. Maybe they've had agonizing drama over this decision for the past few months. Maybe Michael has now disowned his son over his choice and has threatened harm with a creative use of those tennis shoestrings. I don't know. But I doubt it.

It can be tough when you lose a dream or a goal, but then, who's dream was it? The university's? The media's? Dad's? Your's? Life happens and things change. We can grieve for the loss of that goal or we can turn around and see even more opportunity.

Like father, like son: Jeff Jordan is jumping high and scoring points with me. Good luck, Jeff!

She's a Princess

She's hesitant but friendly, fearful but curious. She's the neighbor's dog, Princess. And she's getting more confident in her surroundings every day, wandering the neighborhood, chasing the rabbits and enojoying the water the neighbors leave out for her. Yep, it's a dog's life.

A few years ago it was a cat's life at my house. I had both Mick and Molly with me for over 18 years and they brought me great joy. They both died within the same year and the losses tore at my heart and left me empty for sometime.

Not everyone understands that. Those who don't have pets wonder why those of us who do get so emotional when they die? I don't understand them not understanding me! Any loss is valid, no matter the person, animal, place or thing. Each loss contributes to who we are today.

I don't imagine Mick or Molly would give Princess much thought if they were here today. Independent, calm and lethargic, an entergetic dog would be of no use to them. But they would all understand one thing: the people who love them are blessed to have them in their lives.

So for those of you who have lost a pet, send an extra prayer of catnip or Milk bones their way today. And treasure your memories always.

Letting Go

For the past month or so I have been working on releasing the old: people, memories, attitudes and beliefs that no longer serve me or the life I am creating now. Letting go; it's not just for New Year's Eve anymore! I believe we can let go in any moment and turn to face our future with excitement and hope.

Take a look at those you surround yourself with on a regular basis. Are they positive and supportive? Or are they chronic complainers who shoot down every idea or dream you have for your life? Who would you rather spend time with? And why aren't you?

Perhaps it is being an only child with not too big of a family to rely on, that has led me to put more value on my friendships than most people do. I depend on my friends for the truth, inspiration, fun and sharing. But I see now that those friends can change, just as my goals and desires change. It's not personal. And I always remember the past with gratitude and fondness.

It's okay to let go.

Thoughtful thoughts

Yesterday marked the 22nd year of my mother's death. I am amazed that it has been that long and can still remember the emotions of caregiving I felt most: exhaustion, caution and worry.

How did I get through it? How does anyone get through anything? With friends, faith and resources, I believe. I am grateful we had wonderful friends willing to sit with us, run errands and cook meals for us. What a blessing!

More importantly, we need to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves, too. That doesn't have to mean a tropical vacation for 2 weeks (though that does sound appealing), it can be as simple as a walk around the block, an extra cup of tea or 15 minutes to read a chapter in a favorite book.

How will you take care of yourself today? I'd love to hear your plans!

The Color Purple

The basket of pens was there and so was my journal. Meditation music was playing and I was focused on my gratitude. I reached for a pen and pulled out a purple one.

I instantly thought of my deceased Aunt Lois, who's favorite color was purple. This thought was surprising to me, since she died over a year ago and, to be honest, she wasn't the most endearing of people in my circle of friends and relatives to remember.

Still, I am thankful for her introducing me to the ocean and beach that I love and for taking me on nice trips for my summer vacations. I still see Peter's eyes on the New England tour bus she took my cousin and me on. Ahhh, young love. Or rather, young crush! Her financial gifts for holidays always came in handy, though without much expressed love to accompany them.

So Aunt Lois, wherever you are now, I hope you are relaxed and enjoying the next step of your journey. I hope you see that its okay to just accept others for who they are and to just "be" in your life, without attachments or judgments. And that relationships are here to be treasured and valued-not just with money, but with heart.

I guess I received a few more lessons from Lois than I thought I had. Thank you, Aunt Lois.

Do You Speak My Language?

I was called out to assist a funeral home in supporting a family who had experienced a tragic loss last Friday.

We met with 5 kids and assorted adults, all victims of a car crash on the highway that killed two parents when they were ejected from their van. The family members were Hispanic and spoke very little English. We worked with an interpreter.

I learned a lot that day: Kleenex, teddy bears and tears are the same, no matter what language you speak. The range of emotions we each go through is the same no matter what your culture and a hug is still a hug, whether it is in Spanish, French or Chinese.

When I first met the family members, I told them "I don't know your language, but I do speak the language of a hurting heart and I am sorry for your losses." That was all it took to start a dialog of coping.

These people have a long way to go in their healing, but they've got their start and each other.

Do you speak the language of the heart? Who can you share your heart with today?

Missing the Mark

If I am doing any grieving today, it is for time passed. I marvel at how quickly time seems to fly out my window. It stops for a second, just to tease and tickle, as if taunting me and saying "you could choose to go with me, but you're too set in your ways. Gotta fly!"

And time would be right. I am too set in so many ways. I never thought of having a strong work ethic and commitment to goals as being a negative thing, but there are days when I wish I were a little more irresponsible and didn't care so much!

What if I simply turned off the phone for a day and refused to get on this metal box too? The changing shifts in our energies are suggesting that would be a good thing to do, so that we can reconnect with our purpose, our friends and families, our souls.

YES! I'll do that! But it will have to wait until a day next week. I've got too much to get done first.

Here Comes the Bride

I know of several weddings happening in this month of June. While the groom and his beloved are excited and eager, I know the parents are managing mixed emotions. The wedding, while a joyous occasion, can still represent a loss for all concerned.

Many in the wedding party are giving up pieces of themselves for the greater good and the promise of an even stronger future that they can create together. The positive among us consider this event a win rather than a loss (think of the father's toast that includes "I'm not losing a daughter, I am gaining a son") and that's good.

But it still doesn't hurt to acknowledge the changes as you go through them. For example, a bride's conversation with her best single friends to assure them their bond is unbreakable can help to assure a comfortable celebration.

A late night chat with her mom can help the bride learn that there will always be a home for her in her old room, should the need arise. And the groom can calm his nerves by talking to a father or father figure, gaining reassurance that his step forward as a husband will be a successful one.

The wedding itself often signals a rite of passage to the guests. These two love birds have spread their wings and gone and grown up on us. They're ready to greet the world together. While a lovely moment, it can also trigger your own losses: the husband now deceased or simply the loss of childhood still longed for today.

So when you're offering your champagne toast at a wedding reception this summer, remember the win-win of the big day. Focus on the joy rather than any personal regrets and enjoy the celebration.

Cheers!