Life Preservers' Resolutions for Letting go of an Old Year, an Old Love, and/or an Old Dream

Resolve to:

1. Express gratitude for what you've lost. It's true that it isn't so easy when it is a year/person/dream we are more than willing to see flee from our lives, but no matter what, give thanks for the experience/vision you've had. In that case, it brought you the gift of clarity about what you don't want. And when it comes to a year/person/dream we loved, gratitude is the best way to remember the good that was shared.

2. Bask in both the good and bad memories. While you're giving thanks, go ahead and take some time to immerse yourself in your memories. Others may urge you to "get over it" or caution you that "you'll just stay sad if you think about it all the time", but we know that honoring our memories is the best way to find the proper place for them. Go ahead and cry or laugh or scream. It's just part of the process and you'll move through it.

3. Identify the positive qualities of the year/person/dream that you'd like to have more of in your life. Thinking "he had a great sense of humor" can be a clue that more laughter in your life is important. Or "I see that I felt calmer in the summer when we were at the lake" could mean some more weekend trips to water are in your future.

4. Likewise, identify the negative qualities you know you don't want to follow you into the future. "Every time we had a fight she'd leave the room" could be a big red flag that you are ready to attract people with better communication skills into your life. "I thought my dream would make me rich" could suggest that it is time to seek a more viable business option in 2010.

5. Make a symbolic gesture of release. Write a letter to the lost year/person/dream and tell it/him/her "good bye". Once you've done so, tear it up or burn it as a final farewell. This doesn't mean that you'll never remember the experiences/people again, only that you have completed the emotional ride they put you on.

6. Decide on a feeling. How do you want to feel about the year/person/dream who is now gone? Do you choose to stay in the grief or are you willing to feel complete or settled or happy about them? Take a step to decide for you what feelings you want to have; its too easy for others in our lives to want to decide for us and call it "concern".

7. What do you need now? You've done the work of letting go so what now? What do you need in this moment? Perhaps you'd like to share your experience with a trusted friend or schedule a 20 minute walk in nature to sooth your soul. Whatever it is, give yourself this one last holiday gift of the action or the time or the thought. You deserve it.

8. How will this letting go experience serve your future? What do you see for yourself now in 2010? Get a clear picture in your mind of the future you now want to create and see it as if it is happening now.

9. Focus on the New Year of your creation. Make a treasure map of pictures and words that capture what you want. Journal your New Year plans daily. Join a mastermind or prayer group for support. Hire a coach to support you.

10. Celebrate each day of the New Year that lets you get closer to your good. Set up monthly times for acknowledging your progress. Here's to a great New Year of moving forward.

Need some support in living these tips? Visit http://www.life-preservers.org/ for coaching support and other articles to inspire you along the way.

Turning Grief into a Christmas Cookie

I will be making my Grandmother's Christmas sugar cookies this weekend and of course her memory is strong in my mind and heart. I've washed off the cookie cutters and set aside the 3 that my mom used as a girl: the bell, the Santa and a bird. Those are made last, so that she can be part of the festivities in my mind.

Thinking about these 2 powerful women in my life had me thinking about how grief is like a cookie. Know what I mean?

Well, the memories we have are like the sugar and the vanilla added to the dough-they give a bit of flavoring and make things sweet. Mixing all the ingredients is just like the mix of emotions that hit at odd times, usually when you think you are doing "just fine" with things. And you do have to roll the dough out, just like the best way for coping with grief is to just roll with the waves of sadness and swim to the other side of the shore to find the warmth and gratitude for the relationship, just like the warm cookies fresh from the oven. And when you chew your cookie, you know that grief does bite, but you don't have to let it burn.

It's a tough time for a lot of folks who have lost someone important to them this year. If that's you, give yourself the gift of an hour with a cup of tea or a glass of milk and a couple of cookies. Grief will change and flow-let it.

And know you are important to many people and their support can be the icing on the cookie.