Caregiver Corner

A Child's Perspective on Death

2010-03-30T14:20:00.008-05:00

It was 1964 and the central Illinois funeral home was packed with people.

They had congregated to honor the life of William Q. Leach, humanitarian, war veteran, public speaker, corporate promotions director extradonaire, and beloved father.

I know, because he was mine and I was there.

On that particular day I was ushered into the funeral home wearing my Sunday best. The problem was, it wasn’t a Sunday. This was one of the first indicators that today was different and that life as I had known it, would never be the same. I was eight years old.

To be honest, I got that message just a few days prior, when my mother picked me up from school. She seemed upset, but I was more concerned with reporting the fun and interesting things that had happened in my classroom that day. Mom listened politely for a bit and then cleared her throat.

“I have something to tell you,” she said, pulling off the road. “Daddy died today.”

I glanced at her, wondering if there was more she had to say, but she sat quietly crying and avoiding my gaze. I didn’t know what to do, so I simply acknowledged that I had heard her words with an “okay” and went on reporting my day’s adventures.

Except it wasn’t okay for me; I just wouldn’t really know that until many years later.

Fast forward to the funeral and the casket containing my father located at the front of the room. My mother chose an open casket so that those paying their last respects could see and talk to body of the man they had known and loved.

I don’t remember the viewing but I do recall wondering “why are all of these people talking to each other so loudly when it is obvious my daddy is taking a nap?”

After the service and a slow, boring drive to the cemetery, the crowd came to my grandmother’s home for food and drink. I got to see cousins I hadn’t played with in awhile and my favorite uncle was there, too. I got lots of hugs and the old people asked me about my school work, wondered about my best friend and suggested a nice vacation for the upcoming summer. But the really good part was that nobody seemed to care if I ate an extra cookie or two or helped myself to the cheese dip and crackers.

I felt like I was in heaven.

Today I have discovered that thousands of people have learned the news of a loved one’s passing in much the same way: a few rushed words of non-conversation to “get it over with” and a quick return to the normal world of friends, food and frivolity.

Many of us fear bringing up mention of the deceased out of concern for the griever’s welfare. We don’t want to cause a meltdown or initiate sadness, and we certainly don’t want to put ourselves in an uncomfortable position.

Until now. Coming very soon is my latest book, Come Out of Your Shell: Questions to Start a Death Conversation When All You'd Rather Do Is Clam Up! Readers will be treated to questions that seek to highlight the good and the bad about your deceased loved one and help ease you into a natural conversation that remembers and honors the deceased. And I offer my thoughts on the reasons these questions deserve to be asked and responded to.

Do you have a young person in your life that is coping with loss? I offer tips on how to support them in this week's issue of In the Flow. You can sign up to receive a copy by visiting http://www.life-preservers.org/ and putting your name and e-mail in the box on the right side of the page.

We've Gone to the Dogs

2010-01-11T11:51:00.003-06:00

I don't really know what that statement means, but it got me thinking about pets.

Watching mindless TV one night I saw a show that featured a couple who talked on and on about their kids. The woman couldn't stop talking about how her time had been taken up with making sure the kids had clean towels and plenty of food during a recent storm. She regaled her neighbor with the stories, seeking sympathy for all that a working mother must deal with in the course of a day.

Later in the show you realized her children were not real children at all, but instead her cats that she fondly called her "kids". Yes, she was a little over the top with her attentiveness, but it got me missing my cats, Mick and Molly.

My "kids"-ooohhhh, that doesn't feel right for me! My cats were with me through a couple of moves, my mom's illness and death and the break up of a major relationship. They died within one year of each other, a tough time on top of other tough times, to be sure.

When I sought solace for my loss with friends, I found many who were wonderfully supportive and secretly shared their own feelings of the deaths of their pets through the years. It was if we were now in a secret club together; knowing that the other would not think you "odd" for loving a furry blob with four legs.

So what's up with that? Why are we so afraid to share our love of animals and our sadness over their loss openly? Yes, the woman on TV was a little extreme, but our real life movies often include wonderful scenes with pets that need to be recorded in our memories forever.

I plan to listen more fully when someone mentions their beloved pet died. I think that's the best way to honor their feelings and the life of a furry friend that brought love and happiness into their lives.

And So It Begins- the Countdown

2010-01-05T11:48:00.002-06:00

Whenever we enter a New Year it's natural to let that passing of time become our marker for other life events: birthdays, graduations, anniversaries and so forth.

My now-deceased mother would do that: each year on my birthday she would call me and say "twenty-two years ago (or twenty-five or twenty-six or whatever age I happened to be that year) I became the happiest mother ever because you were born!" A lovely sentiment, to be sure, but I also loved her next statement: "I hope you have a wonderful year, honey."

It was so much more pleasant to look ahead to that new year of life than to be reminded of all the years that I was less than who I hoped to be or spending time recounting the mistakes I made.

Now, with a few more years of birthdays celebrated, I can see that the lessons learned contributed to the choices I make for my future today.

How about you? What memories of your deceased loved ones, or even your own life experiences, will you allow to propel you forward into this New Year? How will you honor the past while creating a great future?

The choice is yours and I support you in taking bold steps to make those choices your reality!

Life Preservers' Resolutions for Letting go of an Old Year, an Old Love, and/or an Old Dream

2009-12-29T13:13:00.004-06:00

Resolve to:

1. Express gratitude for what you've lost. It's true that it isn't so easy when it is a year/person/dream we are more than willing to see flee from our lives, but no matter what, give thanks for the experience/vision you've had. In that case, it brought you the gift of clarity about what you don't want. And when it comes to a year/person/dream we loved, gratitude is the best way to remember the good that was shared.

2. Bask in both the good and bad memories. While you're giving thanks, go ahead and take some time to immerse yourself in your memories. Others may urge you to "get over it" or caution you that "you'll just stay sad if you think about it all the time", but we know that honoring our memories is the best way to find the proper place for them. Go ahead and cry or laugh or scream. It's just part of the process and you'll move through it.

3. Identify the positive qualities of the year/person/dream that you'd like to have more of in your life. Thinking "he had a great sense of humor" can be a clue that more laughter in your life is important. Or "I see that I felt calmer in the summer when we were at the lake" could mean some more weekend trips to water are in your future.

4. Likewise, identify the negative qualities you know you don't want to follow you into the future. "Every time we had a fight she'd leave the room" could be a big red flag that you are ready to attract people with better communication skills into your life. "I thought my dream would make me rich" could suggest that it is time to seek a more viable business option in 2010.

5. Make a symbolic gesture of release. Write a letter to the lost year/person/dream and tell it/him/her "good bye". Once you've done so, tear it up or burn it as a final farewell. This doesn't mean that you'll never remember the experiences/people again, only that you have completed the emotional ride they put you on.

6. Decide on a feeling. How do you want to feel about the year/person/dream who is now gone? Do you choose to stay in the grief or are you willing to feel complete or settled or happy about them? Take a step to decide for you what feelings you want to have; its too easy for others in our lives to want to decide for us and call it "concern".

7. What do you need now? You've done the work of letting go so what now? What do you need in this moment? Perhaps you'd like to share your experience with a trusted friend or schedule a 20 minute walk in nature to sooth your soul. Whatever it is, give yourself this one last holiday gift of the action or the time or the thought. You deserve it.

8. How will this letting go experience serve your future? What do you see for yourself now in 2010? Get a clear picture in your mind of the future you now want to create and see it as if it is happening now.

9. Focus on the New Year of your creation. Make a treasure map of pictures and words that capture what you want. Journal your New Year plans daily. Join a mastermind or prayer group for support. Hire a coach to support you.

10. Celebrate each day of the New Year that lets you get closer to your good. Set up monthly times for acknowledging your progress. Here's to a great New Year of moving forward.

Need some support in living these tips? Visit http://www.life-preservers.org/ for coaching support and other articles to inspire you along the way.

Turning Grief into a Christmas Cookie

2009-12-16T22:36:00.002-06:00

I will be making my Grandmother's Christmas sugar cookies this weekend and of course her memory is strong in my mind and heart. I've washed off the cookie cutters and set aside the 3 that my mom used as a girl: the bell, the Santa and a bird. Those are made last, so that she can be part of the festivities in my mind.

Thinking about these 2 powerful women in my life had me thinking about how grief is like a cookie. Know what I mean?

Well, the memories we have are like the sugar and the vanilla added to the dough-they give a bit of flavoring and make things sweet. Mixing all the ingredients is just like the mix of emotions that hit at odd times, usually when you think you are doing "just fine" with things. And you do have to roll the dough out, just like the best way for coping with grief is to just roll with the waves of sadness and swim to the other side of the shore to find the warmth and gratitude for the relationship, just like the warm cookies fresh from the oven. And when you chew your cookie, you know that grief does bite, but you don't have to let it burn.

It's a tough time for a lot of folks who have lost someone important to them this year. If that's you, give yourself the gift of an hour with a cup of tea or a glass of milk and a couple of cookies. Grief will change and flow-let it.

And know you are important to many people and their support can be the icing on the cookie.

Walking Your Talk

2009-09-15T11:01:00.003-05:00

Dr. O. Carl Simonton is dead. He's been dead since late June, but I only now found out.

I was Googling people who have been influential in my life: Joanna Bull, Howard Benjamin, Carl Simonton and others, to see what they are doing now. Carl is not doing much on this earthly plane, but believe me, he is sharing his wisdom in the great byond.

Carl Simonton was an early pioneer in the mind-body movement; convinced that the mind could, and did, effect the body's repsonse to healing and that by visualizing unhealthy cells being overtaken by healthy ones, patients could affect the course of their treatment and ultimately, the disease itself. Carl had a reputation as a kind of freak back in the seventies by the medical community, when he first went public with his ideas.

In the late eighties I brought him in to do a weekend workshop for the cancer patients I was working with at the time. It was a big deal to have someone of his stature in our community, and a real stretch for my organization's budget. But I knew I had to have him come and share.

For three days Carl publicly gave us hope, permission and techniques for healing. He privately provided me with words of wisdom as I would drive him back and forth to the workshop and media appearances. "The body needs a balance between work and play," he would tell me. "I can tell you are working too hard. Take Monday and Tuesday off since you will have worked all weekend." What? That concept was unheard of to me, but Simonton backed it up by informing me that he would be sailing his boat for 2 days, when he got home. He too, would have worked the whole weekend.

Dr. O. Carl Simonton walked his talk and that made an impression on me. He parlayed his thoughts into the ground-breaking book, Getting Well Again, and helped thousands of cancer patients around the world through his presentations and week-long group sessions at the Simonton Cancer Center.

His heart and his work will be long remembered by many.

Laboring On After Labor Day

2009-09-08T11:18:00.002-05:00

We're back at work here in the US of A, after a nice long holiday called Labor Day. It was a time for me to truly explore how I want to work between now and the end of the year.

I talked with a friend who has continually manifested a foot problem that insists she sit and put her foot up much of the day. She is frustrated and declared "I don't like this! There is so much I wanted to DO this weekend!" Alas, the message is clear: stop DOing and start BEing.

What would happen if you simply unplugged from the world for a day or two? What ideas would feel welcome or what inspired actions would you be led to take? You won't know until you give yourself the gift of time to just Be.

When I stopped by the grocery store yesterday, the woman behind the cash register told me that she had no problem being at work on a holiday. "I enjoy this work," she said. "People don't believe me, but I really do."

I believe her. I enjoy my work, too. I used to think that everyone did, but I have learned through my years of coaching small business owners that it isn't always the case. These clients are the ones with the most stress, the most drama and the most dissatisfaction. And once they have the realization of the true cause and take steps to shift it, amazing things happen.

Things like no neck pain, lower stress levels and more peace of mind. Things like time for enjoying the simple things and engaging in community projects because they want to, not because it's good p.r. for their business or the boss told them they had to show up.

What's the true work of your heart? Your soul's purpose? Do that and see how you feel. And as you let go of your old paradigm of how work "should" be, there will be no grieving for what was, only an excitement and gratitude for what is to be.

Cookie Cravings

2009-08-10T10:19:00.002-05:00

I need a sugar cookie. No, not one of those slice and bake kind or the ones from Pepperidge Farm, I need one of my grandmother's sugar cookies.

Trouble is, Grandma Hempstead died many years ago and it has fallen to me to carry on our cookie baking tradition. Throughout my childhood my grandma and I would spend a Saturday baking Christmas cookies that pleased the eye and the stomach. The recipe was a family one and I am thankful I still have the original recipe card in her handwriting that guides me each year when I bake.

Today would have been Grandma's birthday, so perhaps that is why I am so sugar cookie happy. We always had the traditional birthday cake at family dinners to commemorate the occassion, but perhaps she would have enjoyed a sugar cookie just as much? I do know she loved our baking time together just as much as I did. I remember sprinkling the colored sugar onto the finished product and coloring icing so that I could create a work of art: Santa Claus, a bell, a snowflake. She was proud of me for cleaning up the kitchen "without being asked" and reminded me that "that's what a good cook does".

There's no time in my busy schedule for baking today, but I will stop by the store and pick up some sugar cookies to much on later. One for me and one for honoring Grandma's memory.

I Miss My Focus

2009-06-29T22:00:00.002-05:00

Maybe it was the heat. It could have been my demanding schedule and some resistance to a big project, but I seem to have misplaced my focus.

Or have I? Maybe I am just pushing myself so hard to complete things by July 1, that I am causing myself this grief? I've just made a major purchase, so maybe that has me distracted? Naw, I wanted to do that and I am confident in my decision.

So what is it? I am not interested in completing a big deadline for someone else, I have 4 Life Preservers projects to complete and want to get draft 2 of my book done. Not to mention keep up with friends, the house and the daily details of life.

I just feel antsy and like I have lost my focus.

If you see any on sale at Target, call me.

Life is a Thriller

2009-06-26T07:51:00.003-05:00

The whole world is reeling with news of the deaths of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon. It is too much loss for one week, one day. And so the planet comes together to mourn and, hopefully, get the message for real this time: life is short.

Whenever we experience the loss of a public figure we are marked by time. We remember the moment we heard the news, float back in time to the many memories that were created through experiencing the celebrity's popularity. Chances are you can remember who your friends were when Charlie's Angels premiered, the car you had when you first heard 'Thriller' and knew your mom would insist you head to bed when you heard "Heerrreee's Johnny!"

So we grieve for the loss of these so-very-public lives of people we never really knew, but we really mourn for the loss of the times, places and people who helped make us who we are today. That's natural and normal.

What matters now is how you use the experience as you move forward.

Shooting Two for Illinois

2009-06-25T07:06:00.002-05:00

I have never met Jeff Jordan, but I'd like to. Any young man who has the courage to know clearly his life's desires, and act on them in the midst of a media glare, gets my attention.

You may know that Jeff, the son of basketball great, Michael Jordan, has decided to quit basketball and get a 'real life'. The world appears to be in an uproar over this decision: how could he do such a thing and let daddy down? Doesn't he realize there is a legacy at stake?

I bet Michael is pretty proud of his son about now. I mean, really, doesn't this just speak to his parenting skills? What better gift as a parent than to know you have raised an independent thinker who has talents that can be shared in several ways?

Of course, I don' t know the whole story. Maybe they've had agonizing drama over this decision for the past few months. Maybe Michael has now disowned his son over his choice and has threatened harm with a creative use of those tennis shoestrings. I don't know. But I doubt it.

It can be tough when you lose a dream or a goal, but then, who's dream was it? The university's? The media's? Dad's? Your's? Life happens and things change. We can grieve for the loss of that goal or we can turn around and see even more opportunity.

Like father, like son: Jeff Jordan is jumping high and scoring points with me. Good luck, Jeff!

She's a Princess

2009-06-24T09:07:00.003-05:00

She's hesitant but friendly, fearful but curious. She's the neighbor's dog, Princess. And she's getting more confident in her surroundings every day, wandering the neighborhood, chasing the rabbits and enojoying the water the neighbors leave out for her. Yep, it's a dog's life.

A few years ago it was a cat's life at my house. I had both Mick and Molly with me for over 18 years and they brought me great joy. They both died within the same year and the losses tore at my heart and left me empty for sometime.

Not everyone understands that. Those who don't have pets wonder why those of us who do get so emotional when they die? I don't understand them not understanding me! Any loss is valid, no matter the person, animal, place or thing. Each loss contributes to who we are today.

I don't imagine Mick or Molly would give Princess much thought if they were here today. Independent, calm and lethargic, an entergetic dog would be of no use to them. But they would all understand one thing: the people who love them are blessed to have them in their lives.

So for those of you who have lost a pet, send an extra prayer of catnip or Milk bones their way today. And treasure your memories always.

Letting Go

2009-06-22T08:41:00.003-05:00

For the past month or so I have been working on releasing the old: people, memories, attitudes and beliefs that no longer serve me or the life I am creating now. Letting go; it's not just for New Year's Eve anymore! I believe we can let go in any moment and turn to face our future with excitement and hope.

Take a look at those you surround yourself with on a regular basis. Are they positive and supportive? Or are they chronic complainers who shoot down every idea or dream you have for your life? Who would you rather spend time with? And why aren't you?

Perhaps it is being an only child with not too big of a family to rely on, that has led me to put more value on my friendships than most people do. I depend on my friends for the truth, inspiration, fun and sharing. But I see now that those friends can change, just as my goals and desires change. It's not personal. And I always remember the past with gratitude and fondness.

It's okay to let go.

Thoughtful thoughts

2009-06-12T07:26:00.002-05:00

Yesterday marked the 22nd year of my mother's death. I am amazed that it has been that long and can still remember the emotions of caregiving I felt most: exhaustion, caution and worry.

How did I get through it? How does anyone get through anything? With friends, faith and resources, I believe. I am grateful we had wonderful friends willing to sit with us, run errands and cook meals for us. What a blessing!

More importantly, we need to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves, too. That doesn't have to mean a tropical vacation for 2 weeks (though that does sound appealing), it can be as simple as a walk around the block, an extra cup of tea or 15 minutes to read a chapter in a favorite book.

How will you take care of yourself today? I'd love to hear your plans!

The Color Purple

2009-06-10T08:27:00.002-05:00

The basket of pens was there and so was my journal. Meditation music was playing and I was focused on my gratitude. I reached for a pen and pulled out a purple one.

I instantly thought of my deceased Aunt Lois, who's favorite color was purple. This thought was surprising to me, since she died over a year ago and, to be honest, she wasn't the most endearing of people in my circle of friends and relatives to remember.

Still, I am thankful for her introducing me to the ocean and beach that I love and for taking me on nice trips for my summer vacations. I still see Peter's eyes on the New England tour bus she took my cousin and me on. Ahhh, young love. Or rather, young crush! Her financial gifts for holidays always came in handy, though without much expressed love to accompany them.

So Aunt Lois, wherever you are now, I hope you are relaxed and enjoying the next step of your journey. I hope you see that its okay to just accept others for who they are and to just "be" in your life, without attachments or judgments. And that relationships are here to be treasured and valued-not just with money, but with heart.

I guess I received a few more lessons from Lois than I thought I had. Thank you, Aunt Lois.

Do You Speak My Language?

2009-06-08T09:55:00.003-05:00

I was called out to assist a funeral home in supporting a family who had experienced a tragic loss last Friday.

We met with 5 kids and assorted adults, all victims of a car crash on the highway that killed two parents when they were ejected from their van. The family members were Hispanic and spoke very little English. We worked with an interpreter.

I learned a lot that day: Kleenex, teddy bears and tears are the same, no matter what language you speak. The range of emotions we each go through is the same no matter what your culture and a hug is still a hug, whether it is in Spanish, French or Chinese.

When I first met the family members, I told them "I don't know your language, but I do speak the language of a hurting heart and I am sorry for your losses." That was all it took to start a dialog of coping.

These people have a long way to go in their healing, but they've got their start and each other.

Do you speak the language of the heart? Who can you share your heart with today?

Missing the Mark

2009-06-05T07:42:00.002-05:00

If I am doing any grieving today, it is for time passed. I marvel at how quickly time seems to fly out my window. It stops for a second, just to tease and tickle, as if taunting me and saying "you could choose to go with me, but you're too set in your ways. Gotta fly!"

And time would be right. I am too set in so many ways. I never thought of having a strong work ethic and commitment to goals as being a negative thing, but there are days when I wish I were a little more irresponsible and didn't care so much!

What if I simply turned off the phone for a day and refused to get on this metal box too? The changing shifts in our energies are suggesting that would be a good thing to do, so that we can reconnect with our purpose, our friends and families, our souls.

YES! I'll do that! But it will have to wait until a day next week. I've got too much to get done first.

Here Comes the Bride

2009-06-03T08:58:00.002-05:00

I know of several weddings happening in this month of June. While the groom and his beloved are excited and eager, I know the parents are managing mixed emotions. The wedding, while a joyous occasion, can still represent a loss for all concerned.

Many in the wedding party are giving up pieces of themselves for the greater good and the promise of an even stronger future that they can create together. The positive among us consider this event a win rather than a loss (think of the father's toast that includes "I'm not losing a daughter, I am gaining a son") and that's good.

But it still doesn't hurt to acknowledge the changes as you go through them. For example, a bride's conversation with her best single friends to assure them their bond is unbreakable can help to assure a comfortable celebration.

A late night chat with her mom can help the bride learn that there will always be a home for her in her old room, should the need arise. And the groom can calm his nerves by talking to a father or father figure, gaining reassurance that his step forward as a husband will be a successful one.

The wedding itself often signals a rite of passage to the guests. These two love birds have spread their wings and gone and grown up on us. They're ready to greet the world together. While a lovely moment, it can also trigger your own losses: the husband now deceased or simply the loss of childhood still longed for today.

So when you're offering your champagne toast at a wedding reception this summer, remember the win-win of the big day. Focus on the joy rather than any personal regrets and enjoy the celebration.

Cheers!

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

2009-05-27T10:38:00.003-05:00

I had a brief break yesterday when I found myself playing hide-and-seek with a spider in my home.

He was quite cute; small and compact with black fur and he appeared above the door to my patio. I went to grab him and save him with a quick toss out the door to his prefered living space.
It's as if he sensed danger and didn't trust my intentions. He immediately hid between the door jam and the wall, just out of reach from my helpful hand. In a minute, he peeked out from his spot, tentatively stretching out a leg and smoothly moving around the wood to open wall space.

Again, I reached up to grab him and he retreated between wood and wall. Smart little guy, I'll give him that. Our game continued for another round and then came a client call and I had to give up my rescue attempts and take care of business.

Today I was cleaning up the kitchen and rinsing off the breakfast dish sitting in the sink. I turned on the water and noticed something dark by the drain. It was my furry spider pal, headed to his death as he sank from the sink in a pool of water.

I didn't want that to happen and felt badly that this spider met his demise due to my carelessness. And it was a reminder to me of how short life really is. One day you're hanging out on the wall, the next your at the bottom of the sewer wondering "what happened?"

So today I have a renewed appreciation for this place called "life" and I hope that you do too. Life is precious and there's nothing like a death to remind us that is so.

What are you fighting for?

2009-05-25T21:21:00.003-05:00

It's Memorial Day today and I am giving thanks for all the men and women who protect us afar and at home. There are many we don't know who are watching out for us.

I have to confess, I don't always believe that is true. So often I find people who appear to be unaware of those around them, focused purely on their needs in the moment and not thinking of others. For example, at the mall bookstore today I noticed many parents on the floor with their kids, reading books to them.

I'm all for teaching kids to read and for parents spending time with their children, but isn't that what the library is for? Kids with grimey hands and parents sneezing over the store's books turned me off, for sure.

Maybe I missed the days of having my mom read to me or am grieving the time to spend with family that way, I don't know. But it really bothered me and I thought about saying something to the store clerk, seeking agreement from her as to the rudeness displayed by her store's patrons.

Then I just stopped my thoughts and told myself, "get over it. At least they care enough to read to their kids. At least they have the right and the freedom to drive to the store and take time to read, without fear of attack on their personal safety." I realized I could shift my perspective in an instant and put down my "weapon of mass destruction": my mind and my mouth.

I had to ask "What are you really fighting for?" and answer it. After examination, it didn't rate up there with world wars and terrorist attacks. I had to surrender and allow my emotions to move up the vibrational scale and find a better feeling thought.

Can you do the same? Can you give yourself the gift of choosing the battles you fight with grace?

You know you're protected and guided on your path. I give thanks for the men and women who are serving this country, and us, no matter at what level.

Mint Julips and Memories

2009-05-01T10:44:00.002-05:00

It's the first weekend of May and that means it is time for the Kentucky Derby, held the first Saturday in May.

No matter where I am, I pause on that Saturday at 5 p.m. and lift my silver mint julip glass, a gift from my now-deceased friend, Tony Miller. The glass may be filled with a soft drink or an alcoholic one, but lifting that glass is a toast to the memories of my college and career days in Kentucky and the friends I made there.

Funny how we can so easily grieve the loss of a place, isn't it? It isn't a human being, but a place imprints itself in our memory, offering a treasure chest of moments that we can pull out and share at any time.

I give thanks for my Kentucky days and for being my dad's Southern Belle as a little girl growing up in Virgina and Tennessee. All of these places formed me and shaped me into the person I am now.

My Louisville friends did the same and I love the sights and sounds that contributed to who I am today.

So join me on Saturday in toasting a favorite place of yours. It may not be My 'Ole Kentucky Home, but I bet you have a special spot you often miss.

Here's to all that made you the "you" people love.

Rewarded for Denying Grief?

2009-04-29T09:22:00.003-05:00

Okay, I've calmed down now.

I was reading Tuesday's paper and noticed a blurb about a movie director praising Liam Neeson's professionalism on the set, despite Neeson's grief over the recent loss of his wife.

The article said "A colleague of Liam Neeson's says the actor showed remarkable professionalism in returning to work so soon after the death of wife Natasha Richardson."

I first read that to mean that Neeson was being rewarded for showing up to work, despite coping with a broken heart. Nwo I think it is just saying his co-workers were impressed that he was able to give of himself in this trying time.

The article pushed a button for me because I don't think you can put a cookie cutter timetable on grief recovery. And I hate this concept that you get three days off for bereavement leave because that's all the corporate giants will give you. Like everything is fine and back to normal after three days! Grrrr. It just supports this society's notion to put a bandaid over our feelings and ignore the heart of us.

I understand Neeson's commitment to his work ethic. I just hope he has the same commitment to himself and his own grieving process and can really honor his emotions as he rides the roller coaster of grief.

Are you?

Dealing With Money Loss Can Be So Taxing!

2009-04-27T16:03:00.002-05:00

The receipts have been filed, the official forms long signed and mailed. Yep, taxes are done for another year. I noticed on Facebook that many people were complaining about doing their taxes; perhaps that's because it is a little bit harder to give up those dollars due when a money crisis is happening in our country.

Does the idea of giving up a bit of your moola make your eyes misty? Are you suffering from money loss? You're not alone. The volatile money landscape today is causing high numbers of people to worry about their tomorrows. And losing our money still produces a grief response that mimics what we might go through over the loss of a person close to us.

Only this time the loss isn't about a loved one, it's about the loss of dreams and goals. And just like trusting and believing our financial picture will rebound and our accounts will grow, so can we get back in touch with the dreams and goals we feel are now lost. Here are some suggestions on how to do that:

$ Grab some paper and a pen and write out your vision for your dream. What exactly do you dream of having happen in your life? Paint a picture of the scene: where are you, who are you with, what kind of day is it, what are you wearing, etc. Remembering the details helps put you in the feeling place of having your desires manifest.

$ Get in the feeling place and stay there for a bit. What will it be like when you have achieved your goal or have your goal as your reality? Will you feel content? Relieved? Satisfied? Energized or humble? Feeling the feelings you will have when your desires are made real helps to attract the experience to you.

$ Picture it. Using the power of your mind, visualize the results you want. Put yourself in the scene and imagine the dream unfolding as you want it to. You can also clip out a magazine picture or a phrase that represents your goal or dream to you. Glancing at that picture or seeing that phrase regularly throughout the day will jolt your brain and remind you why you are doing what you are.

$ Tell the voices in your head to be quiet. It shouldn't surprise you to hear messages of doubt from yourself, just as you really get in to this reconnecting process. You know what I mean. Your inner self says “Oh please! Like this is going to happen! What planet are you on? Don't you know these are tough times? You'll never get the dream job or car or home or vacation! Give it up!” At this point, simply acknowledge the thoughts, but focus on what you do want instead.

Prosperity flows where our attention goes. Put your attention on what you do want, not on what you don't, and know that we will get through these tough times.

Missing John Denver

2009-03-30T12:08:00.003-05:00

'Annie's Song' was on the radio yesterday and suddenly I was back in college, seeking a Coors beer (a novelty back then; especially when you were in school in Kentucky) and hoping for a ticket to a John Denver concert.

With all the business buzz about branding and marketing yourself to the world, I find that a memory of John Denver produces an instant love for the environment and the feeling that freedom is out there in Colorado. Or, at the very least, there's a 'Rocky Mountain High' like none found here in the Ozarks.

Music is a universal language, isn't it? It grabs our hearts and reminds us of the times of our lives: special or not so special. We can remember who we were with, what we were doing and where we were, all within the first few notes of the song. And for just that one minute and thirty-four seconds, we're back in that time and space, reliving the lessons or missing the people associated with the song.

What song takes you back to a special time or person? I'd love to hear about it!

Am I Missing Anything?

2009-03-24T15:23:00.002-05:00

I am amazed at all I have accomplished in the past four days, without a schedule and without 5 million appointments to get to each day. In fact, I have stayed in my house for 3 of the 4 days; just enjoying the breeze through the windows, reading, creating jewelry, sleeping and even working a bit.

Its a grief issue I didn't expect to have: grieving for my unstructured time like I used to have as a kid. It is the kids, in fact, who have inspired this brief respite from the usual daily demands of life. After all, they had a spring break so why shouldn't I?

What childhood gifts are you grieving and how can you incorporate them into your life today?

Maybe it is going out to play with the neighborhood kids after dinner; why not take an early evening stroll after eating and set a goal to say 'hello' to 2 neighbors? Or you might miss a Hardy Boys adventure and the time to read the book. Go ahead, check that book out of the library and curl up on the front porch with some Kool Aid and a pillow. If you fall asleep, all the better!

This business of being an 'adult' can produce a lot of stress, so I advocate becoming like a little child. Relax and watch as it helps you become even more focused on, and productive with, the things you truly care about.

Springing Forward

2009-03-18T12:18:00.002-05:00

It's starting. The trees are budding and the flowers are springing forth; a bit early for me, though. Oh yes, I love the sunshine and the temperatures, but there is still a part of me that would love to have just two more "snow days".

You know, those days where the power remains on, but there is enough snow to cover the roads and people freak out about it and stay home? Not too much benefit to those of us in a home office, but enough to make the phones stop ringing because others are stranded and can't call to ask you about business.

I relish those days when I have a chunk of time to create new products for Life Preservers, complete some articles and just read from the tall stack of business books by the bed. Ahhhh.

It doesn't look much like snow today, but that's okay. I'll be fooling Mother Nature in her own game soon-I have scheduled two "spring break" days of my own next week!

The "shoulds"

2009-02-20T15:20:00.002-06:00

Well, it is on my schedule to blog today, but I don't really have anything to say. I know, I "should" write regularly in order to 'generate a buzz', 'get in front of potential customers' and 'introduce Life Preservers to the marketplace', but today it just isn't flowing that way.

And that got me thinking, sometimes silence IS golden. We are bombarded by messages every minute; wouldn't it be nice to just have a quiet place to go and be alone with your grief? Now that's something I can do today! I can offer you a place to just sit and be quiet. Here goes:

Fill the above space with whatever thoughts you're having and just take a deep breath and relax. Silence is golden.

Peace to you today.

Losing Time

2009-02-18T11:55:00.002-06:00

I am grieving the loss of minutes in my day. Oh I know what they say: "we each have the same number of hours to do that which we want to do", but I don't believe that's true. Not for me. Not today!

Today I am to complete several articles for my living, but I would rather live my life as the director of Life Preservers. There is so much about to happen for the organization, that I am feeling torn between doing what I 'should' do and what I want to do to help that along.

So I take a moment to connect with my spirit and seek guidance on how I can 'have it all'. I know that there is a way and I am open to it.

How do you use time extenders to accomplish all that you are called to do?

Being Presidential in Grief

2009-02-16T12:59:00.002-06:00

It's President's day and it appears half the world is taking it as a holiday, since no one I need to speak to is answering their phone or their e-mail today.

So instead, I think about past Presidents and wonder about the influence their decisions had on our country and if their vision would match where we are today?

I know there are many wonderful advances that have happened for us since their passing- transportation, technology and just the many nice extras we have now are things to be grateful for, but I can't help wondering about some of the basic rights they fought for and how we grieve them?

I'm thinking of the basics of respect and integrity, in particular. It seems like the news is filled with stories of how those two qualities are not being lived up to in business and entertainment. It makes me feel old; to think that those basic tenents of life could be so overlooked by today's generation. I hope that I am wrong and know that I am whenever I observe a young child saying "thank you" or a stranger still willing to hold the door open for me in a store.

Still, there is more we can do to assure these qualities get passed on to the next generation. And the most simple action of all is to just 'be' them. To live in integriy every day. To respect others and our differences every day.

It's a tall order, but I am up to the challenge. Are you?

Love, love, love

2009-02-05T09:30:00.002-06:00

When I led a cancer support group a few years ago, I opened the Valentine week meeting with the question: Are you having an affair?

People shuffled their feet and squirmed a bit in their seats, not quite sure where the topic was going and what they had gotten in to.

I went on to show why it was important for them to have the most wonderful love affair of all- with themselves. Especially when we're focused so deeply on healing-we need a lot of love.

So I ask the same question of you today: are you having a wonderful love affair with yourself?

There is so much public pressure around Valentine's day for loved ones to 'perform for the public': will flowers show up at work just like all the other girls have? Will dinner out be special and not a trip through the drive-thru at McDonald's? As if that is what true love is all about!

When we grieve we most certainly need to be extra good to ourselves, recognizing the wide variety of emotions that are swirling around us. So I encourage you to let this Valentine's day be the beginning of a renewed commitment to yourself to love yourself.

You might even want to send yourself a Valentine!

Should 'Ole Acquaintance Be Forgot?

2009-01-02T13:49:00.003-06:00

Happy New Year!

I found myself remembering great times of holidays past and really listening to Auld Lang Syne this year. The song poses a good question: should we remember or forget those who are no longer a part of our current experience?

When it comes to grief, I think the distance time places between our loss and our memory is a good thing. But we never forget our experiences with the deceased or how they have influenced us to be who we are today. And I am grateful for that.

So how can we sooth the emotions of loss at this time of new beginnings?

Try giving yourself 15 minutes each day to journal your thoughts and memories. Take note of what pieces of the past you want to incorporate into your future year and what it will take to make that happen.

And then take action! It may mean that you have a conversation with a family member or buy your deceased loved one's favorite flower in memory of them today. Whatever it takes to let go of the still-painful feelings, commit to doing some little thing about it today.

And have the best of New Years that you can have.

My Holiday Meltdown

2008-12-17T19:49:00.002-06:00

It happened. I was reduced to tears today, after getting the mail.

No, the waiting bills didn't get to me, it was the rest of the news.

The box contained a stack of Christmas cards and their red and green envelopes winked at me all the way to the house. Tucked amongst the stack was a holiday letter from my friend, Faith.

It was exciting to see pictures of her very first grandchild, born November 2. It is hard to imagine Faith as a grandmother (we're way too young for that kind of thing) but I know she'll be a great one.

At the bottom of the page was word of Faith's recent trip to Hawaii with her husband, courtesy of her job and in recognition of a certification she received. She mentioned that they had a nice visit with some mutual friends. And that did it.

The mutual friends Faith referred to used to be among my dearest, until they decided I was no longer among their inner circle. There was a half-hearted attempt to explain why, but to this day, I am not really clear, and I guess it doesn't matter. The bottom line is that they made a choice to release me from their love and caring almost five years ago.

Thought I had dealt with it long ago, but today's meltdown reminded me that our feelings are fragile, no matter what we say about time and distance. The fact is, it still hurts. And the fact is that good 'ole Ann is expected to accept, understand and forgive it.

I think that in many ways, this kind of loss is as tough as the death of a loved one. This kind of loss doesn't get chalked up to 'permanent'. It can come back to get you anytime.

Like today.

Creating a Great Childhood

2008-12-08T22:38:00.005-06:00

I volunteered at our area Art Center this past weekend: Santa came to visit and kids could have their picture taken for a fee that supports Spiva's work. While they waited for their picture to develop, they came upstairs to decorate a picture frame that would house the photo.

It was so much fun to see young parents and their kids working together to create a masterpiece. I would remind them to put the year on the back of the frame so that they would always remember this experience. Some kids sat at the table for as long as 30 minutes, intent on designing just the right 'look' for their frame!

As I watched them with only the crayons, markers and stickers, I found myself wondering "when does this stop being enough and the desire for material posessions kick in?" And in that moment, I found myself mourning my own childhood, long gone.

My dad was the one who helped me create covers for my history reports and we had a blast designing the mailbox to hold my Valentines the next year. Though he died when I was quite young, those are still memories I have and remember.

I hope all kids these days get to have those experiences and build those memories for their futures, too.

What Are You Giving?

2008-11-19T15:48:00.004-06:00

And can you receive, too?

I threw a Gratitude Party November 1 and had a great time. The purpose was to remind people that we live in a prosperous country and have an abundance of good around us. I reminded my guests that the source of my supply is not my banker or my broker or even my work. I take comfort in that.

At the end of the party, while cleaning up with some friends, another guest came to thank me for the invitation. A professional singer, he asked if he could share some French words with me that, loosely translated, said "I found paradise here, my heart overflows in gratitude".

Being a words person, I heartily agreed to hear them, assuming he would simply speak some wonderful French to me. But no, he burst into operatic song, each note soaring higher than the last and encompassing us all with its vibration. The room filled with the beauty of music and we all soaked it in.

That was a moment that will live forever in my memory. And what a personal gift to give: of his heart and from his soul. I remember simply standing in front of him, eyes closed as I took in each note. It was a gift I was ready to receive.

Who is offering you a moment of themselves today? How will you be prepared to receive their gifts?

Life is short and this is the only moment there is. Enjoy it. Live it. And receive it's gifts.

Grieving Lost Manners

2008-10-15T21:47:00.002-05:00

I am grieving.

No, I haven't had a recent death, but I have had an awareness that the times, they are a changin' when it comes to common courtesy.

Today, while running multiple errands, found me with more 'slammed' doors in my face than ever before. Men and women, entering and exiting from businesses were unaware of my attempt to enter and exit as well. Many of them simply let the door close behind them as they entered a building or just ignored the fact that I was near them and ready to exit as well.

Why? I believe it is just another example of our busy-ness and desire to 'get there first' when it comes to gas and perceived needed necessities. I wish that wasn't the case and I try to do my part.

Do you? Will you? Let's join together to bring back common courtesy from the dead!

Music is the "universal" language

2008-09-20T21:39:00.002-05:00

I am just returning from a full day and a fun night, but just had to write and share my adventures.

This morning I gave a talk on grief and loss to a sociology class led by my good friend, Janet Johnson. To thank me for my time, Janet took us to lunch at a wonderful Thai restaurant. While the food was terrific, the place was empty, so we had a leisurely lunch and chatted about all sorts of things.

The Musak was playing the "oldies but goodies" of my parent's generation and I noted the first strains of Danny Boy, telling Janet that it had been my dad's favorite song. I then shared that Moon River had been my mom's.

Then I started telling Janet various love stories of my youth: Alfred, the hotel clerk in Bermuda, that I admired from afar until he finally asked me to dance after dinner, and Peter, the tour guide on the New England bus tour that gave me wonderful attention-especially because I was the only tour attendee under the age of 60!

As we laughed over love and spring rolls, my ears heard the beginning notes of Moon River! I immediately teared up as Janet noted, "Wow, you got to hear from both of your parents within minutes of each other! And after today's topic, that's just perfect."

And it was. And I am grateful. I still love you, mom and dad! All is well.

Who Tells You Where to Go?

2008-09-08T11:41:00.002-05:00

I was saddened to read a new friend's blog about her poor experience with her local funeral home, after the passing of her mother.

She shared that when she and her family arrived for the service, a number of details had not been taken care of (including the fact that no one had contacted the minister!) and that the family was left standing unattended because no one from the funeral home gave them an agenda of the service nor told them what to do when or where to go.

In my opinion, this is unacceptable service from a funeral home. It's an unacceptable response from any business, for that matter. But especially during an emotional time such as a death.

I encourage each of you who have a business to consider the systems you have in place for customer service. And I beg you to put those steps on paper and share them with each member of your team in regular staff meetings. Things would have been a lot smoother for my friend's family and guests, if someone in authority at the host site would have taken the time to do that.

And doing so will let you easily tell your customers where to go-politely and efficiently.

What to Do When the Jellyfish Invade

2008-08-12T21:24:00.003-05:00

Being a water lover, I was quick to notice a certain article on Yahoo! last week. It seems that large numbers of jellyfish are making their way on to popular beaches up and down the eastern coast and even appearing in countries that haven’t normally had so many in the past.

The article attributed the increase in these creatures to global warming, pollution and the run off from chemicals we use on a regular basis to preserve our lawns. The reporter also mentioned the overall declining health of our waterways.

This news both depressed and inspired me. I personally don’t like the state of the earth right now and am constantly seeking ways to do my part to preserve it.
But I was inspired to think of these poisonous creatures as a part of our everyday lives, whether we live by water or not.

What if these invading jellyfish were the negative thoughts we allow to ‘sting’ us on a regular basis? You know what I mean; thoughts like “I am so tired of worrying about things, I don’t know what I am going to do” or “Will I ever get over this heartache?"

So how do we protect the beaches of our mind and send the jellyfish of doubt, fear and anger back in to the water, never to sting us again?

First, ask yourself “does this thought support my life and health?” Do you really want to believe these negative thoughts you tell yourself? Of course not. So what do you want to believe about this experience?

Second, create a mantra for yourself that you can repeat when those slimey fish start to swim in to your mind. The recently-deceased Randy Pausch’s wife did this: whenever she would get overwhelmed with caring or heard information that upset her, she would tell herself “not helpful” and re-focus her energy and attention on her ill husband. What message can you create for yourself that will help you avoid the sting of a negative thought?

Third, create a realistic picture of what you do want. You’re not in denial about death. Whatever it is, picture what you want in detail, add how you feel about it and focus on that when a negative thought comes to call.

We all have a choice in how we respond to the thoughts we think. Just like the water lovers, we decide if we just want to float along or if we’re ready to swim laps or surf through the waves of stress and negativity. By making a decision to release negative thoughts, you’ll create a life worth loving.

We hold these truths to be self-evident

2008-07-03T10:29:00.002-05:00

Happy Fourth of July week! I can already feel the anticipation for the holiday as business calls aren't returned ('she's on vacation this week'), the summer aisles at Wal-Mart are full of eager shoppers stocking up for the big day here in a town where everyone is usually 'last minute' and more focus is being placed on politics and the war.

So are you ready and sparkling? Or do you feel a bit frazzled and fizzled out as you approach a day off? How will you spend the four of July this year?

As is my custom, this is the time I encourage you to give thought to the vision you have for the remainder of the year. Check in with your goals, pick up the pace and keep your eyes open for the people/places and situations that are coming together for your highest good. The stars are aligned in your favor!

Each year at this time I remember the seed of an idea that was planted in the minds of our forefathers as they created a document that would influence each and every one of us: We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.

They were writing about each of us. We are one and I believe our thoughts and actions influence one another. So dust off your dreams and declare your independence from old habits and negative thoughts that no longer serve you! This is the time to boldly claim the vision you have for a new day and a new you. As you take action on what you truly want, you'll be doing us all a favor by reminding us that it is possible, in this land of the free, to have it all.

We have the freedom to think whatever thoughts we want. We have the freedom to choose whatever reactions we want to give. We have the freedom to create a life worth loving...right now...today. And for those freedoms I am grateful. I give thanks that this original Mastermind group of visionary men like Patrick Henry and Thomas Jefferson came together to express their thoughts and claim and record them with total trust that they were doing so in the best interest of their fellow man.

But with their vision comes responsibility. Are you taking 100 percent responsibility for your life? If there are areas that are leaving you feeling less than the inspired, creative loving child of God that you are, will you make the effort to change the people and the circumstances that are holding you down and back? I believe you can you are and you will.

I support you on that path! Have a bang up fourth that's full of fun, friends and freedom.

By George, I miss him!

2008-06-24T07:02:00.003-05:00

While I don't always like watching the nightly news (too much negative stuff coming at me from that little box), I'd have to have been living under a rock to not hear word of the deaths of Tim Russert and George Carlin. And yes, I did catch that pathetic picture of icon Paul Newman outside his apartment door, looking like, well, death warmed over.

Yet it strikes me that I don't know these people, but I mourn their passing and their changes. Why, like thousands of others around the world, do I tear up when I see an interview or read a quote from them about their lives?

When a public figure dies that loss triggers a memory in us. No, not so much about that person, but instead, about what was happening in our lives at the time. For example, my ex and I attended a George Carlin concert about four years ago. The death notice about Carlin instantly took me back to the concert I enjoyed with my mate and then, bam!, to the slow and painful death of that relationship.

And Tim Russert's death reminded me of all the journalists and media folks I have had the pleasure to work with through the years. No, we weren't best friends, but we shared a profession that we felt pride in and had an unspoken bond about. His death had me thinking about all others in the profession who, on behalf of the average citizen, just try to produce the truth and understanding.

Then there's Paul Newman. I like his salad dressing and his movies. So did my mom. Seeing him battling cancer cut to the core of my memories of mom withering away to the influence of chemo and radiation. And seeing his now-gaunt frame reminds us how we all change and how those changes, and death, are inevitable.

And so we miss them and mourn our own losses. It's human. And moving through it is fairly simple. In fact, visit my web site at http://www.life-preservers.org/ to sign up for my free Ezine, In the Flow, and you'll get some tips on how to manage your 'celebrity mourning and memories.

Finding Grace

2008-06-11T06:55:00.002-05:00

As I completed my journaling for today and moved on to my meditation time, I picked up the Daily Word for today.

"June 11," I thought. "Something happened around this time that I should remember."

I knew that the birthday of a once-dear friend had just passed about four days ago and, while I had thought of her, this seemed bigger.

Duh. It was 21 years ago today that my mom died.

The Daily Word for today starts off with "Blessed by the ever-present grace of God, I live life fully."

That's what I have been doing and intend to do for the rest of my life. Mom's death and ultimate last lesson to me was that life is short and we do need to value each moment.

And most days, I have done it with grace.

So how do you do it? How do you move through your days of loss with grace? I'd like to hear about it.

Graduating

2008-06-04T08:08:00.004-05:00

I don't even have to leave my house and I feel it. Do you?

It's the anticipation of hundreds of school children as they prepare to be released from the confines of the hallowed halls and move forward into summer. I remember the sense of freedom I felt on that last day of school and how I eagerly looked forward to three months of 'doing nothing.'

That was, until my senior year of high school. Then I experienced the whole range of emotions: excitement, fear, anticipation and sadness. There was much to look forward to, but at the same time I was sad to leave my familiar surroundings and my friends.

Can you relate? And don't those feelings follow us through all the stages of our lives? We "graduate" to a new job, a new city, a new relationship, a new religion and a new outlook on life. Good or bad, we are constantly coping with little losses all the time.

So how to handle that awareness? For me, I allow each moment to flow, giving thanks for the people and experiences who have led me to this point in time. Then I turn my attention forward to what I want to create next. The memories are always with me, but I have "graduated" to the next step of the journey.

It is only a moment.

Life's Sacrifices-Memorial Day, 2008

2008-05-26T10:22:00.002-05:00

Today is Memorial Day-a day we honor all those who have served our country and lost their lives in doing so. I give thanks for their willingness to serve and understand their commitment to this great country that provides so much to us, its citizens.

Radio and TV programs have been talking a lot about the sacrifices these men and women have made for us and I don't disagree, but...

What about the sacrifices that caregivers make every day? Not many really acknowledge the fact that across the world thousands of people are fighting their own private war and living in their own private hell of grief and loss after fighting the good fight with a loved one for weeks/months/years.

If you are someone who has marched into the battle of caregiving and has some tips to share with us on what made it easier for you, please respond to this post. You'll be offering a gift of peace to those who are fighting in the war of grief right now.

So on this Memorial Day, let's give thanks for the sacrifices each person has made and will made for us and be mindful of the sacrifices we make each day in our choices of how we show up for our family, our co-workers and ourselves.

Coping with a "surprise hit" 21 years later

2008-05-08T13:02:00.004-05:00

I was simply relaxing and catching up on Sunday's paper when the Macy's advertising insert jumped out and bit me.

With Mother's Day coming up they were eager to push perfume and there on the first page was a photo of Chanel #5 bottles.

My mom wore Chanel #5 practically every day of her life. I can still remember sitting on her bed as a kid and watching her get ready for a night of bridge with the girls or maybe a holiday dinner with family. The last thing she'd do is dab that oh-so-transporting scent behind her ears and then head out of her room and out to the car. I knew I was growing up when she'd let me put some on, too!

So somehow, seeing that ad grabbed my heart in a way I wasn't expecting. I didn't know I would be reminded of my loss so blatantly, especially 21 years later and that it would still 'get to me' all this time later.

Has that happened to you? Maybe you wander into the garage looking for extra trash bags and, boom! You see the old hammer your deceased husband used to help make your house a home or there on the top shelf of the closet is a stuffed animal your deceased daughter played with daily; yet he or she has been gone for years.

How can we manage those moments that sweep us away in memories?

For me, I become conscious of my breathing and aknowledge the feeling I am having. Then I allow my mind a minute of remembering the times with my mom and then I give thanks for all the lessons I learned from her and for all that our relationship contributed to my life. Of course I will never forget her, but maybe the moment came to remind myself of that fact.

I think I'll head over to Macy's and pick up a bottle of Chanel #5 in honor of my mom this Mother's Day.

Welcome as Life Preservers Sets Sail

2008-05-01T10:21:00.004-05:00

Welcome to Life Preservers, your global grief support community.

I am pleased that you have found your way to this resource of hope and I look forward to sharing my thoughts about moving through the emotions of grief and loss with you.

Whether you are a family member who's lost someone important to you or a professional working in a field of caring, I hope this will be a place for you to stop and rest for a bit as you collect useful ideas for use in your own experience.

Thank you for stopping by.